


Alanna, a Life

by phg



Series: Alanna, a Life [1]
Category: PIERCE Tamora - Works, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Alanna says no to George, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Character, Character Study, Coming Out, F/F, Happy Ending, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, Older Woman/Younger Woman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:34:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26549074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phg/pseuds/phg
Summary: What if Alanna had said no when George proposed? Where would her life have taken her? What would she have discovered about herself? Would she still find true love in the end?
Relationships: Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau & Buriram Tourakom, Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau & George Cooper, Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau & Jonathan of Conté, Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau & Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak, Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau/Keladry of Mindelan
Series: Alanna, a Life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990969
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	1. 439 HE - October to November

**Author's Note:**

> This work is what I imagine Alanna's life COULD have been like if she'd said no to George when he proposed. You'll find many recognizable characters and moments throughout the fic - perhaps Alanna's life really was in the hands of the Goddess? I will add tags and relationships (and maybe change the rating?) as I post each chapter so as to not ruin anything from the get-go, so if you see a character tagged but haven't encountered them yet, give it a few more chapters. [Note that there will be mild and occasional cursing, but nothing too much more severe than what is found in the books. So far all levels of violence and intimacy are on par with what Pierce has written.] The fic is mostly done, I just have to finish the epilogue, so I will be posting it over the next week or so. The first chapter is definitely the shortest. Note that no copyright infringement is intended, and all respective works and characters belong to Tamora Pierce.
> 
> Also, if you believe in the world that Tamora Pierce has created and in the ideals that Alanna, Kel, Raoul, Buri, Neal, and Numair fight for every day and live in the USA and are eligible to vote, I beg of you to make sure you are registered and please vote. This election is like the difference between Roger of Conté winning the fight and Alanna winning the fight - which world do we want to live in?

He reached out to toy with the emberstone. “What do you want, Alanna?”

“I, I want some time. This has all happened so quickly. I’m so happy for Jon and Thayet - I never wanted that life. But I’m only 20, George, and I haven’t had time really to even think for the last 10 years.

“I want you to be happy George. Enjoy your new barony. Take care of your people. Find love, find happiness. I love you - I always will - but we are better as friends.”

“Wow, turnin’ down two proposals in one year, you’re quite the woman now, Lioness,” George said.

Alanna laughed. “I really do hope that we can be friends, George. You’re all the family I have left now. And soon it looks like we really will be siblings, after a fashion.”

George chuckled at that. “Well then Alanna, I’ll leave you now. Know you always have a home with me at Pirate’s Swoop. I’ll love you all my days.” He ducked out of the tent, and was gone.

  
\----

  
Alanna returned to the palace soon after, recalled by Jonathan’s wedding. Jon was waiting for Alanna when she finally arrived at her rooms. He swept her into a hug, then held her at arm's length, carefully observing her. 

“You look tired, Lioness.”

“You know it’s the cold, Jon. I can’t stand it. I swear I’ve used up all of my gift just getting here and not freezing to death.”

Jon chuckled. “We both know it’s more,” he said, sobering. “It’s been a hard year. Have you had time to mourn? To say goodbye to Thom? To Liam?”

“Yes, the time with the tribe did me good. I don’t really know if I’ll ever completely be able to say goodbye to Thom. Or to forgive him for his hubris. But the Shang Wildcat visited me and gave me a letter Liam had written me before he died. It helped.”

“And you really said no to George?”

“Yes, I really said no to George,” Alanna said.

“Are you sure?”

“Damnit Jon, of course I’m sure! And what’s it to you? Are you having second thoughts about Thayet? Because I’m not having any of that - you two are perfect for each other.”

“No, no second thoughts about Thayet. I just wanted to make sure that you were sure,” Jon said. “On that note I think I’ll change the subject and talk about what I’m really here for.

“Alanna, you’re my best friend. You are the only person in the world who always tells me exactly what they’re thinking, no matter the cost. You keep me in line. You call me on my bullshit, and don’t put up with my attitude. Alanna, will you stand with me at my wedding?”

“What? Jon!” Alanna shrieked in excitement, surprising both of them. She jumped forward to give Jon a hug. “Of course.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Especially since-” Jon was interrupted by a knock. Alanna opened the door to find Thayet and a team of assistants on the other side. 

Thayet leaned in to kiss Alanna’s cheek. “I’m so glad you’re home. We’re here for your fitting.”

Alanna turned slowly to look at Jon. “My what?”

“Oh, yes, ahem, that’s what I was getting at,” Jon said. “Thayet is here to fit you for your wedding finery. Can’t have you showing up in your leathers or, even worse, your chainmail. I’ll just be going then. Have fun!” At that he ducked around Alanna and Thayet, wove through the assistants, and was gone.

“Seriously Thayet? Do we have to do this now?”

“Yes. We only have two weeks since Jon was too scared to interrupt your time and recall you to the palace earlier.”

Alanna groaned. “Fine. Lets get it over with. I better not be wearing a dress.”

“Don’t worry, we’re making your finery to match the new uniform’s of the King’s Own. Jonathan knew you wouldn’t wear anything else.”

Alanna breathed a sigh of relief and resigned herself to an afternoon of measuring and fitting.

  
\----

  
The wedding was beautiful. It was all the beauty that Thayet deserved, and Alanna knew she wasn’t alone in thinking that. The ceremony was held at sunset in the palace chapel. Jon and Thayet tried to keep things as simple as possible, knowing the many hardships their people would endure due to the battle at Jon’s coronation. But they also wanted to give themselves and their people hope. And that’s exactly what Alanna felt as Thayet walked down the aisle towards Jonathan. Thayet wore a simple white dress with no ornament. The lace veil hung from the back of the simple tiara in her hair and ran down past the end of her dress to trail behind her - her one luxury. Alanna stood behind Jon at the altar, grateful that Jon had let her keep her sword. She was uncomfortable in front of all these people, exposed, just her and Jonathan and Gary at the altar. Her eyes scanned the crowd again, looking for threats. Myles and Eleni sat calmly near the back, and across the aisle she spotted George playing his part as the new baron. George winked at her as Alanna’s eyes passed by him. He knew she was looking for trouble and he discreetly turned his eyes to slowly mark some of the agents he’d slid into the room. Alanna knew they’d be there, but it was nice to have confirmation.

The vows were simple and traditional. Thayet spoke confidently, projecting her happiness throughout the room. Jon had started crying as soon as Thayet had walked down the aisle, and his vows were rather teary. Alanna was sure that if there were courtiers present who were uncertain about Jonathan’s marriage to this fallen princess, they at least now knew that Jonathan deeply loved Thayet. 

After the priests blessed the union and presented Thayet and Jonathan as king and queen of Tortall, they turned to face the crowd of politely applauding courtiers. Bells began to ring out throughout the palace, spreading through Corus. Soon they would be ringing across Tortall, celebrating the marriage. 

Thayet and Jon walked up the aisle, unable to tear their eyes from each other. Alanna turned to Buri, who had stood with Thayet, and offered her arm to escort Buri out of the chapel. 

“How did you luck out and get to wear pants?” Buri growled at Alanna. Thayet had insisted on traditional K’miri dresses for both women who stood at the altar with her. Buri tried to subtly tug at the bodice as Alanna guided her towards the door.

Alanna laughed, “I don’t know, but I’ve been counting myself lucky since I saw you walk down the aisle ahead of Thayet.”

Buri gave Alanna a light shove as they entered the banquet hall. “Thanks Alanna. Glad you’re on my side. How long do you think I have to wear it? Do you think I could slide away now and put on some breeches?”

“Definitely not. Thayet would probably have both of our heads.”

  
After the meal Alanna wandered among the crowd, unsure of what to do with herself. No one quite knew what to make of this King’s Champion still. Alanna really didn’t mind, not being one for dancing, but she still felt a bit lonely.

George found her, then. “Would you care for a dance, Lioness?”

“Certainly. If you let me lead.”

“You still haven’t learned to let go, have you?” George said, laughing.

Alanna scowled and led him out to the dance floor. People started watching them immediately, but Alanna was used to that now.

“How are you Alanna?”

“I’m fine. I’m still not sure of my place here at the palace with this new King Jonathan. It’s so different from being here under Roald. And it’s so different to need to be so visible. I’m so used to hiding.”

“I’m glad to hear that, but you know that wasn’t what I was asking.”

“I know. I’m fine. I miss Thom every day. I don’t know that it will ever go away”

They continued dancing in silence, missing all those they’d lost in that brutal year.


	2. Early 440 to Spring 441HE

Alanna found her footing in the next year. There was just so much work all over the kingdom. The effects of Jon’s use of the Dominion Jewel rippled through everything. Alanna found a balance of being in Corus to advise Jon and getting out in the field to care for the country and its people. Riding to deliver aid to towns suffering from loss of crops and food shortages, Alanna learned more about Tortall than she ever has before, and carried that knowledge back to Jon.

They were all happy to hear of Thayet’s pregnancy in the spring. It was a relief, too, to have an heir on the way. No one wanted a repeat of Roger, or, even worse, a civil war like Thayet had recently experienced at home in Saren. Thayet was nervous about the possibility of having a daughter, though, and strongly suggested to Jonathan that they change the inheritance laws before their child arrived. At first Jon didn’t understand what the big deal was, but Alanna cornered him after a council meeting one day and reminded him of what his wife has been through and why. She also pointed out, again, that both his King’s Champion and his co-reignant were women and they were both doing great jobs. They all knew it would be a battle with Jon’s advisors, but it was one worth fighting. Jonathan pressed it to the council before he and Thayet left on the progress to celebrate the end of his first year as king.

Thayet was pretty uncomfortable for most of the progress, now visibly pregnant. The people were overjoyed to see an heir on the way, but Thayet was hot and grumpy. Even worse she had to smile at the crowds and make polite conversation with the courtiers. Alanna and Thayet grew even closer then, Thayet leaning on Buri, Alanna, and Jon for support when they have stolen moments away from the people.

Soon after Crown Prince Roald was born in mid-Autumn, George introduced Alanna to the new woman he was courting, Marianna of Aili. Alanna was nervous. Did Marianna know of Alanna’s history with George? Did she consider Alanna a threat? Would she come between Alanna and George’s friendship?

It turned out that Alanna had no reason to worry. Marianna was perfect for George. She was up for his adventures, understood and appreciated his past, and made him laugh. Alanna was overjoyed for George. She pulled him aside at the end of their visit and said, “George, if you don’t marry her, I will. Seriously. She’s perfect.”

“I know Alanna. I’m feelin’ pretty lucky. I wanted to ask her to be my wife, but I, I wanted your blessin’ first. I know you said you don’t want to be my lady at Pirate’s Swoop before, but…”

“No, George. I stand by what I said. And now that I’ve met Marianna I know that this is what was meant to be. I heartily give you my blessing. She will make you the happiest man in the world.”

  
\----

  
For the second time in less than two years Alanna found herself standing up as the best man in a wedding. This one was smaller, with just George and Marianna’s families and a few friends in attendance at a small chapel in the palace. Afterwards they gathered for a banquet hosted by the King and Queen in honor of the Baron and new Lady of Pirate’s Swoop. 

After the dancing started Alanna wandered over to the table where Buri was sitting alone. Alanna pulled out the chair next to Buri and sat down carefully, noticing that Buri was already several drinks along.

“Welcome to the crazy warrior spinster table. If you’re not careful you’ll end up here until you die of old age.”

“Oh, Buri, it’s not that bad, is it?” Alanna asked.

“I don’t know, but Thayet strongly suggested that I needed to dance tonight,” Buri said. “She even pointed out all of the single men of Lady Marianna’s family so I knew where to start.”

Alanna laughed. “I think she’s just worried about you and wants you to find the happiness she has. Maybe you should just distract her with a project. Have you shared your idea for a rider warrior group with her?”

“No, she’s just been so distracted with the kingdom and the famine and baby Roald and now this new pregnancy.”

“But not distracted enough to leave you alone about finding a husband,” Alanna pointed out.

“Well, no.”

“Come on, let’s give Thayet her dance,” Alanna said, pulling Buri from her chair.

“I don’t think this is quite what she had in mind, Sir Alanna,” Buri said. “Especially since this time neither of us is even wearing a dress.”

“Who cares? Let’s have some fun.”

  
They’d started dancing when Buri asked, “What about you Alanna? How does it feel to be at George’s wedding?”

“Bittersweet. I know this was right for me, and this was right for George. Marianna is perfect for him. But this is the second wedding I’ve not only attended, but stood up for, in the last two years where the groom used to be mine. I’m happy to be free for now, though.”

“So I won’t have to fight you for those three eligible bachelors in Marianna’s family, then?

Alanna laughed. “No, they’re all yours, if you want them. I don’t even know what I’m looking for, anyways. I haven’t been with anyone since before the coronation.”

“Have you considered that maybe you’ve been… looking in the wrong places?”

“What, like I should be sleeping my way through the court of the rogue? I think even Jonathan might get involved then - can’t have the Lioness besmirching the office of King’s Champion.”

Buri laughed. “No, I meant looking at... noble women instead of noble men.”

Alanna’s eyebrows shot up. She tried to pull away from Buri, but Buri pulled her closer and said, “Don’t you dare abandon me on this dance floor, King’s Champion.”

Alanna looked down. “What, you think I should finally fulfill all those fanciful rumors about ‘Squire Alan’ and Delia of Eldorne? Do you think the guards down at the prison will watch or let us have a few minutes alone?”

“No, Alanna, you have the wrong idea,” Buri said. “Calm down, people are starting to stare. Just hear me out. I know you nobles of Tortall are less used to same-gender relationships, but they happen in Saren frequently. There’s nothing wrong with them. And if you spend some time exploring the laws and precedents of Tortall, you’ll discover they’re not exactly uncommon here, either. You’re just trained to not notice them.”

Alanna led Buri back to her table after the dance and wandered off without another word. She found herself turning over what Buri said. Was it possible that she had been looking in the wrong places? Alanna had loved being with Jon and George and Liam, but did that mean that she was only interested in men?

At the end of the evening Alanna circled back to Buri’s table, only slightly inebriated. She stood in front of Buri’s chair and offered her hand. “May I walk you to your door?”

Buri glanced up at Alanna before taking her hand. They walked back to Buri’s rooms in silence. When they reached Buri’s doors Alanna turned Buri and said, “I’m sorry Buri. I think you may be right, but I don’t know where to even start. I’m scared about what this means for me, and what it might mean as King’s Champion. My first duty is to Tortall, always. I want to give myself this chance though. Can I- can I kiss you?”

  
Buri leaned into Alanna, kissing her softly. Alanna was startled by the softness of Buri’s lips, and as she pushed into Buri, deepening the kiss, taken even more by the softness of Buri’s body. Buri pulled back and turned to open her door. She walked in her rooms, leaving the door ajar. It was up to Alanna to decide what she wanted.

  
\----

  
Alanna and Buri were only together once, but Alanna realized after that night that Buri had been right. Before she could move further in her exploration, Alanna needed to talk to Jon. She pulled him aside after a council meeting a few weeks later. 

Jonathan led Alanna to his office, glancing sideways at her. The nervousness was rolling off of her in waves. 

“Alright, Alanna, what is it?”

“Can you sit down, Jon?” Alanna said, beginning to pace as he found a seat. “Alright, this is- it’s big. And I need you to just let me talk this out before you say anything. And remember that you love me and that you’ve already asked me to be your second child’s godsmother and that I’m your best friend and that the king really probably shouldn’t kill the king’s champion without just cause and that I’d be really hard to replace. Unless you picked Raoul. But he’s already-”

“Alanna! What is going on?”

“I slept with Buri!”

Jon’s eyes widened at that. He shifted in his chair, opening his mouth.

“Wait! No- that’s not- that’s not what I meant to tell you. I mean, it is, but it isn’t. Okay, I was at George’s wedding and Buri was telling me how Thayet was trying to set her up with a courtier. I said I hadn’t really been with anyone since your coronation, and she suggested that maybe, that maybe I’d been looking at the wrong people. And I thought about it and we slept together.”

“Alanna, I’ve, uh, slept with you before. Are you telling me that what we had then wasn’t real, wasn’t good? Did I hurt you?” Jon said.

“No! I mean, yes it was good and real, and no you didn’t hurt me. I think everything I had with you and George and Liam was real, but I think that maybe I could have something real with a woman, too.”

“Are you with Buri now? Are you asking me to break the news to Thayet?”

“No. Buri is just a friend. She was just helping me out. I’m here because I need you to know this now. And I need to know how this will change things.”

“Are you here as Alanna or the Lioness or as King’s Champion?”

“All of them, I guess. I don’t want this to impact my place in the kingdom, Jon. My first duty is to you and Tortall. And if you tell me that you need me to make this go away, then I will.”

Jonathan stood up and took Alanna by the shoulders. “Alanna, you are not the first woman to have ever loved a woman. Not even here at court. I know that it’s not common, but it happens. Hell, look at Roger and Alex, or even Roger and Thom. You know better than most that the only issues people ever had with him were political - no one cared who he loved. You have my full support, and Thayet’s. You are my King’s Champion, and nothing will change that. Maybe it’ll become fashionable to not only pretend to be a boy to become a knight, but to have same-gender partnerships again.”

Alanna rolled her eyes at Jon. “Great, just what we need. All the young women at court sleeping together so conservatives can claim I’ve bewitched them all. You do know, though, that you could change the law now to allow women to become knights again. And then we wouldn’t all have to pretend to be boys with high voices.”

Jon laughed then, pulling Alanna in for an embrace. “I’ll consider it, Sir Alanna.”


	3. March 449 to Summer 453 HE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note some mild(?)* homophobia - it comes from Wyldon of Cavall when they're discussing Kel. If that's of concern, you can stop reading when they get to Jon's office and start at the time jump that begins with "Alanna made herself scarce, then, helping out wherever she could..."
> 
> *I know homophobia is really never mild, but there are not slurs, violence, or out-and-out hateful rhetoric, just Wyldon implying something about Alanna.

Shortly before her 30th birthday Alanna found herself in northern Tortall with a group of the King’s Own. The King’s Own had finally reached their full potential under Raoul, and Alanna was glad to have them guarding her back. Rumors of strange creatures had been circulating the kingdom, creatures not seen in hundreds of years, and it made Alanna less comfortable with traveling alone. Alanna, the Own, and Numair Salmalín had been scoping out Fief Sinthya and its lord, trying to find evidence of dealings with Carthak. Alanna and the Own were waiting for Numair to return from a reconnaissance mission when a call came through Alanna’s gift, seeking aid. 

Onua Chamtong and her assistant were camped nearby, hiding from stormwings and searchers. They’d found Numair, but he was horribly ill. Alanna knew then that Numair must’ve found the evidence they needed against Sinthya. 

When they arrived at Onua’s camp, Onua and her new assistant were waiting, fear on their faces. Alanna dismounted and Onua introduced them. “Daine, this is Sir Alanna of Olau - the king’s champion. Alanna, this is Daine.”

Alanna was gratified by the attention Daine gave her, but her thoughts were immediately with her friend. Numair was special to her. He was the only other person she knew who was like her; someone who loved men and women both. While Alanna had spent the last several years driving the rumor mill with her lovers, it was found charming on Numair. It drove Alanna crazy that there was that double standard, but at least there was someone in the court who understood her now.

Alanna tried everything with her gift, but ultimately it was the young assistant who rescued Numair from the mixture of his own magic and powerful drugs. That night Alanna stayed up late, taking notes, preparing her case against Sinthya. Her emberstone unexpectedly began to glow, putting Alanna on alert. She stepped out into the clearing to see what was happening as Daine was walking towards the forest. 

“Don’t go alone,” Alanna said.

They stepped into the forest together, curious. Daine knelt down, picking up a rabbit’s body, blood on its nose.

“It was scared to death,” Daine said.

Suddenly a bat dropped between the two women, startling them apart as a glowing rope dropped right where they’d been standing. Overhead a giant spider-beast descended towards them. Alanna yelled a warning, unsheathing her sword. Before she could even lift her sword, Daine had killed the first beast. Alanna killed a second swiftly as it made an attack. 

It was then she realized that they weren’t just giant spiders, but human-headed ones. Alanna leaned in, examining them, as Daine identified them as spidrens. She glanced up as Onua pulled Daine back to bed, wanting to ask more, but it would have to wait till the morning.

  
The next day Alanna found Daine with the horses. She’d come to thank Daine. “You saved my life last night.”

“You saved mine.”

Alanna didn’t want Daine’s gratitude, so she changed the subject and asked Daine about her shooting. She wished she was as good with a bow as Daine was. It was nice to learn more about the young woman. Alanna thanked Daine again as she turned to leave, both for saving her own life and for saving Numair’s. “If you ever need anything, come to me. If I’m not around, go to my brother, George. He’s the baron of Pirate’s Swoop. He’ll do anything for you I would. Promise me.”

  
The next day Alanna and the Own rode out at sunrise, hoping to still catch Sinthya. When they reached the castle they found it empty of the lord, but the dungeons were filled with the evidence of torture. Alanna was furious.

  
\----

  
A few months later Alanna joined the Queen’s Riders trainees as they headed for Pirate’s Swoop. It would be good to see George and Marianna and the children, and she would get to spend more time getting to know Daine. Numair had told Alanna that Daine had the strongest wild magic he’d ever encountered, but Alanna knew Daine was turning out to be tough to train. There seemed to be some sort of lingering trauma for her. The whole ride to Pirate’s Swoop Daine was hot and cold, leaning into learning one day, then snapping at Numair or Onua the next. Alanna tried to grant her as much grace as she could.

When they finally arrived at Pirate’s Swoop, Alanna felt ragged. She was worried about the presence of stormwings up and down the coast. And between Daine and the gryphons, Alanna had had enough excitement for a whole year. 

“Aunt Alanna, Aunt Alanna!” Alanna had just dismounted when she felt the impact of her niece and nephews on her legs. Tomaj was 6, Alessandra - Aly - was 4, and Alan was almost 3. Alanna still couldn’t believe that George followed through on his threat to name his youngest after “Squire Alan,” nor could she believe that Marianna went along with it. Alanna was so glad to see them, her duties allowing her little time to visit. She especially wanted to spend time with Aly, her godsdaughter, while she was there.

Alanna scooped up Aly and Alan and went to find George. He leaned in to kiss her cheek, laughing at her load. Alanna had never been more grateful that she didn’t pick that life then she was at that moment, a child on each hip. 

  
\----

  
Alanna didn’t realize how calm the first 10 years of Jon’s reign had been until she was looking back. A trap at Pirate’s Swoop began a long, drawn out series of tense exchanges and skirmishes with Carthak. The Carthaki government seemed to be the ones who figured out how to free immortals from the Divine Realms, and they were using that to their advantage against Tortall. It was two long years of the kind of subterfuge and sideways talking that Alanna hated until Carthak was brought down by none other than Daine. The whole kingdom breathed a sigh of relief. An all-out war seemed to have been diverted. 

Then the barrier between their realm and the Divine Realm fell and a different kind of war began. A war unimaginable even just a few years before - a war against immortals.

It was utter chaos. The immortals had magic that humans couldn’t even imagine. Scanra, the Copper Isles, and the renegades in Carthak all banded together with the immortals to go about destroying Tortall. The battles started to run together to Alanna. As the king’s champion she was advising and coordinating, but she also fought in every battle she was needed for. The power of her gift was the only thing that saved her and her comrades in several skirmishes. She was infinitely grateful for both Numair and Daine’s gifts, powerful tools Tortall utilized in their defense. 

When the war ended just a few months later due to interference from the gods, Alanna couldn’t believe it. She could feel these battles in her bones now, old wounds and over 20 years of fighting and training taking their toll. Maybe it was time to retire, she thought. 

  
Then she got word that Baron Piers of Mindelan’s daughter wanted to become a page. It filled Alanna with glee and new life - the first girl to finally try for her shield, 10 years after Alanna had suggested the possibility to Jon. Jonathan called in the training master to meet with them and discuss the baron’s letter. It quickly turned south, Lord Wyldon showing his disgust at the idea of a female page. Alanna filled with rage, almost insulting Wyldon over and over again. Jon had to physically restrain her at one point. 

Wyldon demanded that Keladry of Mindelan undergo a probationary period. He threatened his resignation if they didn't agree. As Jon held Alanna in her chair, preventing her from hitting Wyldon, he agreed. 

“There is one other matter,” Wyldon said, looking directly at Alanna. “Do you plan to involve yourself in the girl’s training?” 

Alanna was taken aback, beyond furious. Wyldon pointed out that Alanna has never shown interest in the pages before. He implied that Alanna would perhaps use her powerful gift to help the girl, and reminded Jon and Alanna that there are those at court who might find her interest to be motivated by something other than altruism, to be… predatory. She jumped up to challenge Wyldon, to defend herself.

“Alanna, for heaven’s sake, you know the gossip,” Jon said. “Stop acting as if you’d never heard it before.”

Wyldon demanded that Alanna have no contact with the girl, ever, for any reason. Jonathan agreed.

Alanna felt like she was looking at a stranger. What happened to the Jon who had always believed in her? Believed in women? The Jon who had told her it wasn’t a big deal that she loved women, that he would support her no matter what? Perhaps he had died when he talked his oldest daughter out of her page training. 

Alanna stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

  
\----

  
Alanna made herself scarce, then, helping out wherever she could. She followed Rider groups up and down the countryside, rounding up bandits, practicing her archery, and sleeping her way through the ranks of both men and women. They were almost all younger than her, but she figured she might as well live up to her reputation, and she knew that the Rider groups were informal enough to not have it be an issue later.

Sometime in the fall, between sleeping with the two female commanders of the 11th group, Alanna ended up in Port Caynn. She knew there was nothing she could do to visibly support the girl page - Keladry - but that didn’t mean Alanna couldn’t support her in other ways. Debating what a page could likely use, Alanna found herself in a knife shop. She browsed all the goods, turning down help from the shopkeeper. Money was no object, she told herself. In the back corner of the shop she found a whole shelf of small blades. Alanna chose a belt knife - it would be perfect for a page. Alanna selected a whetstone to go with the knife and purchased them both. 

Slipping them both into the pockets of her simple breeches, Alanna made her way towards the market. Purchasing a simple wooden box to place both items in, she packaged them carefully, taking the box to a courier to have it taken to Corus - to Keladry. At the last minute she asked the courier to write a simple note to add to the box. It just said, “Goddess bless.”

  
\----

  
Alanna kept an ear out for news of Keladry. She resisted the urge to ask, but news came and went from the capital no matter where she went. For midwinter she sent Keladry some bruise balm, knowing it would be needed at that point. Not much news reached her through the winter and spring, but at the end of June she heard about some of Keladry’s heroism from Roald. They’d crossed paths as Alanna passed through with yet another rider group. Roald said that he had from Wyldon himself that Keladry had passed her probationary period.

That night Alanna crawled into bed alone for the first time in months. She found herself crying. Crying for all the pain she knew that Keladry had endured, but also for herself. Alanna was still hurt by Jonathan’s words and actions. She didn’t know if she could ever forgive him. It was time to take a break from her wandering. Heading to Pirate’s Swoop felt like the best place to go, and she knew George and Marianna would welcome her. If she rode through Corus on her way, she could stop and purchase another gift for Keladry - a congratulatory gift on surviving her first year.


	4. Spring/Summer 456 to Midwinter 460

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that apparently there is some weird lost time in Kel's series of books. So if you're examining my progress up against the books themselves you may find a slight discrepancy. I think the Spy's Guide has the correct timeline.

Alanna didn’t forget Keladry in the intervening years. She became closer with both Raoul and Buri, leaning on them in the lingering hurt of her argument with Jonathan. George and Marianna were always a safe haven, and Alanna found herself at the Swoop more and more. It was good to have time with the children, too. Alanna had hoped that Aly might follow in Alanna’s footsteps and become a page, but she quickly realized that Aly would follow in George’s footsteps. She wasn’t quite sure if George and Marianna knew that yet, though.

Raoul encouraged Alanna to take a squire. She’d made it almost 19 years into her knighthood without one, but Raoul insisted it would be a good learning experience - for her. When her old friend Baird of Queenscove heard of her intention, he asked a favor: that Alanna take on his son Neal as her squire. Alanna owed Baird more than she could ever repay and told him she would be honored to have his son as her first squire. She found herself wishing, though, that she could ask Keladry. 

Raoul asked Keladry to be his squire instead. Raoul hadn’t had a squire since he’d gotten sober, and Alanna was grateful that he’d chosen that moment to pick his second. Alanna knew he’d done it for her. As the autumn progressed, Raoul kept Alanna updated, sending her letters every few weeks.

At Midwinter Alanna knew she still couldn’t face Jonathan or the gossip, so she dropped Neal at the palace and headed to Pirate’s Swoop. Midwinter was special there, being in the midst of a family. When she returned to Corus she decided to stay with Myles at his house instead of staying in the palace. It gave them time to visit, and Alanna could continue to avoid Jonathan. 

  
In the spring Alanna was surprised to receive a letter from George filled with admiration for Keladry. Raoul and Third Company had been to the Swoop, helping him with some mess, and he had only praise for the squire. George knew how hard this was on Alanna, and she was grateful he’d taken the time to pass on all he now knew about the girl.

Summer rolled around and Jonathan finally recalled Alanna and Neal to the palace. He wanted them to traipse around the country with him on the progress. They returned a week before the progress was to leave. Neal immediately went to visit his father, but Alanna decided to relax in her room. A knock at the door interrupted her as she sat down. There was a page at the door, requesting her presence in the king’s office.

Alanna knew that meant immediately. She groaned inwardly. Alanna couldn’t believe that she’d been successfully avoiding Jon for 5 years now, but it had to end sometime. Getting up, she followed the page to the king’s office.

Jonathan rose from his chair as she walked in. Following proper procedure, Alanna knelt and bowed her head. “Your majesty sent for me.”

“Alanna, please. We’ve never kept to ceremony before.”

Alanna remained kneeling. “Yes, but you’ve also never disparaged my sexuality in front of another noble before either, sire.”

“Alanna, I... you’re right.”

She looked up then. “You also implied I was untrustworthy, and broke your word as king to allow female pages with no barriers. You haven’t apologized since then, and I believe it was a pretty narrow thing that Squire Keladry got to remain at all.”

“Please, Alanna, come sit with me, let us talk. I miss my friend.”

Standing, Alanna made her way to the desk and thumped into the uncomfortable wooden seat facing the desk. “I don’t know that we’ll ever be friends again, your majesty. But I’m still your champion, so order me as you will.”

Jonathan grimaced. He’d lost more than he could’ve ever imagined that day in taking the side of Wyldon of Cavall. He’d spend the rest of his life rebuilding this relationship as much as he could. But for now they needed to discuss the Progress. 

  
\----

  
It was a month or so later that Alanna finally got to see Keladry of Mindelan for the first time. Raoul and Third Company had joined the progress after much delay. One afternoon after the jousting tournament Alanna and Neal wandered through the panoply when they came upon the Yamani ladies and a tall Tortallan woman dressed in breeches tossing what looked to be a decorative fan. They followed pattern after pattern, the fan flipping in the air from person to person. Suddenly Neal stepped into their group, “This is the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen, may I play?” Neal caught the fan and almost dropped it. Alanna realized that the fan must actually be a weapon - the Yamani were famed for their reticence, and Alanna would guess that extended to their desire to carry weapons openly.

The Yamanis were startled by Neal, barely able to disguise their surprise. One stormed off, the two other ladies following. One of them had been Prince Roald’s betrothed, Alanna realized. Alanna turned back to see the Tortallan reprimanding Neal. It was then that Alanna put the pieces together - this was Keladry of Mindelan, the female squire. Before Alanna could truly observe the squire, the queen stepped in, showing interest in the fan. Keladry glanced up and met Alanna’s gaze. Eyes widening, Keladry swallowed slowly. Alanna just nodded and walked away. She knew if they were seen in any closer contact it would cause trouble.

  
In a case of retribution for the incidents 8 years before, the progress ended up at Fief Sinthya a few weeks later. Willing to push limits now that Jon seemed to be feeling remorseful for his actions, Raoul invited Alanna to be his dinner partner at the banquet. For the first time in years, Alanna decided to wear a dress. Perhaps it would placate the conservatives who would undoubtedly be watching her every action at dinner. Alanna was pleased to be sharing a table with Harailt of Aili and Lady Haname. She considered Harailt family after George’s marriage to Marianna, and it was nice to have the opportunity to get to know one of the Yamani delegation better. Keladry offered Alanna the finger bowl before the banquet service and then met her eyes. Apparently startled, she immediately dropped the bowl, splattering water everywhere.

Alanna caught Raoul quietly teasing Keladry as she cleaned up the mess, “I’m sorry, should I have warned you?” 

Alanna kicked Raoul under the table. 

Leaning towards Keladry, Alanna encouraged Keladry to relax. She didn’t want to cause a scene. Mumbling, Keladry bowed and backed away.

Alanna turned to Raoul then. “What the hell were you thinking?! Are you trying to get us both in trouble? I’ve only just gotten Jon to calm down”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” Raoul said. “She’s normally completely unflappable. I had no idea this would even faze her.”

Keladry returned then, apologizing profusely to their dining companions. The rest of the meal was uneventful, Alanna made sure to keep her conversation and questions simple and innocent. As soon as the banquet was finished, Alanna quietly excused herself, hoping to give Keladry the break she so clearly needed. 

  
The progress continued on. Alanna found Keladry - Kel as she discovered the squire’s friends called her - on the jousting lists several times. Each time Alanna found herself an inconspicuous place and watched, absorbing every detail. Raoul’s last letter before the progress had bragged of Kel’s jousting ability, but now Alanna could see for herself that Kel really was one of the best in the country.

They all returned to the palace for Midwinter. Prince Roald would be facing the ordeal that winter and everyone wanted to be there. The evening that the prince kept his vigil, Alanna was able to slip down to the stable and deliver Alanna’s midwinter gift unseen. It was still hard keeping it a secret, but Alanna wanted to protect Kel as much as possible

The prince survived his ordeal and the whole country breathed a sigh of relief. It was one thing to have an heir to the throne, but it was even more important to the people that the heir be capable of ruling and fighting.

The morning after Roald was knighted the chamber of the ordeal opened on the corpse of Joren of Stone Mountain. Alanna was stunned. But she knew that if Joren died in the chamber, it was deserved. The chamber was a cold judge, but fair. The whole court waited every morning after that until the entire group of squires was done. Joren was the only death. 

The morning of the last ordeal Lord Wyldon handed in his resignation to Jonathan. Jonathan immediately called a council meeting. While many were satisfied with the job that Wyldon had done in his tenure as training master, Alanna was not sad to see Wyldon go. She tried to stay quiet throughout the meeting, knowing she couldn’t add anything. 

As soon as they’d found a new training master, Alanna gathered up Neal and departed, heading for the Swoop. They only returned to the progress when it reached Persopolis. 

  
\----

  
The summer after Roald was knighted Tortall began to see action along the Scanran border. King Jonathan sent mostly young knights, hoping it would give them experience. Alanna and Neal saw some fighting over the second summer of skirmishes, but managed to avoid encountering any of the “killing machines” that were being seen in battles now. 

Neal and Kel would both face their ordeals of knighthood that midwinter, two years after Roald. Alanna knew that a lot was riding on Kel successfully passing her ordeal. It made Alanna nervous. If Kel didn’t pass or survive there would likely never be another female knight in Tortall again. Alanna prayed to the Goddess almost every day, for the safety of both Neal and Kel.

The knight masters, king, queen, and training master gathered together before the holiday to begin the ceremony of the ordeals and knighting. It was there that the Gods influenced the order of the ideals. Neal was chosen first, Kel was to be last. 

That night Alanna and King Jonathan instructed Neal as he began his vigil. Had she been this nervous before her own ordeal? She couldn’t remember now. Trying to not show her nervousness to Neal, she finished her part of the ceremony and smiled at him, squeezing his shoulder. 

Alanna kept her own vigil that night, praying to the Goddess in the smallest chapel. As the sun rose, Alanna returned to stand in front of the chamber door. It opened slowly and Neal stumbled out. Breathing a sigh of relief she led Neal out and to his room to rest. That night he was knighted and Alanna realized it was one of her proudest moments. Raoul had been right - she did learn something from this experience. 

Five evenings later Alanna found herself in the Goddess’ chapel again, almost unable to form a prayer. Instead she just knelt and thought, “please, let her survive, please let Kel survive.” Kneeling on the stone, she felt helpless. At dawn she stood - stumbling on stiff knees - and made her way to the chapel of the ordeal. As the door opened, Kel walked out, head held high. 

  
\----

  
Kel was knighted at sundown. Alanna left the banquet early, retrieving her last gift to Kel from her rooms. Letting herself into Raoul’s rooms, she settled in for a wait. Soon she heard Kel enter her rooms. Standing, she knocked on the door separating Kel’s room from Raoul’s common room. 

Kel opened the door, startled to see Alanna on the other side. Alanna was glad to catch Kel alone at last, but startled to realize she’s not quite sure what to say. She greeted Kel’s dog, and then stood to hand Kel the sword she’d been holding. 

Kel was surprised at the gift, surprised that it was Alanna all along. Trying not to let the bitterness seep into her voice, Alanna explained that it was all she could do.

“You know, those things look better out of the sheath,” Alanna said, encouraging Kel to draw the sword. 

Kel examined the sword slowly and carefully before finally drawing it. Her eyes widened at the glint of Yamani steel. Then the sword tilted slowly, too heavy for Kel after her ordeal. Kel reached out to grab the blade and sliced her hand. Alanna knew that Kel would not refuse the gift now. As Alanna stood to go, Kel invited her to dinner with Kel’s family and all of her friends. Alanna was honored. This is what she’d wanted, all those years ago when Kel had started her page training - to be Kel’s comrade. 


	5. Spring 461 to Summer 462 HE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, this has always been tagged as F/F. Everyone is old enough to consent here. Tags have been updated.

News came from spies that there would be a full out war with Scanra in the spring. Jon sent everyone he could spare to the border, including all the green knights. Alanna was surprised - but gratified - to hear that Lord Wyldon had given command of the new refugee camp between Forts Giantkiller and Mastiff to Kel. Alanna was sent to Frasrlund to command the coastal defenses. 

When the war came as the snow melted it was brutal. Scanra’s famed killing machines were out in full force. Thanks to the King’s Own the Tortallans understood how to defeat them, but they were still fearsome opponents..

  
In June word came from Raoul via courier that Kel and Neal had disappeared. After an attack on Kel’s post at Haven that had resulted in the kidnaping of refugees, Kel had followed them across the border. Neal and several other knights had disappeared soon after, presumably following Kel. Raoul said he’d sent some of his men, too, but he was uncertain what would happen. 

Alanna was stunned. She felt utterly hopeless. Neal was like a son to her, and Kel… Kel was all her hope for the future of Tortall. What the hell was Wyldon thinking, leaving Kel alone like that? He’d trained her for years, how could he have not seen this coming?

Alanna stumbled through the following days in rage. Every battle, every skirmish, every hint of a Scanran and she jumped into the fray. The soldiers under her command started avoiding her when possible, afraid of both her tongue and her sword. 

A large band of Scanrans attacked just a week after Alanna had gotten word from Raoul. They had 15 killing machines with them. The Tortallans matched the Scanrans’ forces in foot soldiers and warriors, but the killing machines gave the Scanrans a huge advantage. Alanna put on her plate armor and mounted Darkmoon, joining the fray. Reaching the front line she yelled, “For Mindelan,” and held her sword high.

The battle raged around her. Alanna used a combination of her gift and her sword to take down enemies, desperate. On the left flank three of the killing machines had locked down a whole company of her soldiers. Circling around, she was able to ride Darkmoon past the last one, catching herself on the machine’s jointed arm, Darkmoon continuing to safety. The plate mail weighed her down, her now-sheathed sword clanking into the thing’s arm. Then it noticed her weight. It picked up its back leg, swinging it forward with the knifelike claws shooting toward her right side. She grabbed a chain on the machine and let her weight drop, swinging to the other side of the arm, narrowly missing the sharp claws. It came in for another pass, leg shooting straight forward. Hanging now by just her hands, Alanna gritted her teeth and pulled herself up, her muscles all burning. Astride the arm finally, she climbed across the dome of its back. She’d just have a few shots before an arm or leg would swipe her down. Reaching for her warhammer she scrambled up towards the thing’s head, needing to crack it open. The killing machine’s arm caught her then - the claw going right through her leg - her armor doing nothing to stop it. It swung its arm back, throwing her off like a bug. Alanna landed on the ground, the breath knocked out of her. The machine turned to her, raised its arm and… froze. 

Taking the opportunity, Alanna rolled and tried to stand. Her whole body was on fire, her leg unable to support her weight at all. She looked out across the battlefield and could see all the remaining killing machines had also frozen. The Scanrans noticed this sudden loss, spooked and retreated. Alanna tried to yell to her troops to hold their ground, but instead felt the edges of her vision go black. 

  
When Alanna awoke there was an apprentice healer nearby. She moved to sit up, but the apprentice stopped her. “Sir, please lay back. Let me get the healer.”

When the healer and apprentice returned they informed Alanna that since she didn’t heal as fast as she used to, that she’d probably be in bed for weeks. The healings wouldn’t work as quickly, and the wound in her leg would need time to heal on its own. She grumbled, but resigned herself to the truth. Her body wasn’t what it used to be. 

“Does anyone know what happened to the killing machines?”

“We received word just an hour ago that they stopped working everywhere, all up and down the battlefront, sir. Shall I send someone in with a report?”

Alanna nodded. At least the healer wouldn’t keep her from doing her job.

  
A week later she received news of Kel and Neal’s safe return. It was Kel who had brought down the killing machines; had saved them all. 

  
\----

  
The war continued on. While the killing machines had given King Maggur an advantage, he still had numbers on his side. The Scanran warriors seemed never ending. 

Prince Roald and Shinkokami married in late summer, and Buri resigned her post to marry Raoul in the fall. Alanna missed the Prince’s wedding, but Buri sailed into Frasrlund on her way to Fort Steadfast and told Alanna of their intentions. It all happened quickly, but Alanna was able to relieve herself of duty for a week to head to Steadfast for the nuptials.

  
Alanna had just dismounted inside the gates of Steadfast, passing her reins to a hostler, when Kel and Neal rode in. Her breath caught in her throat. To think she’d almost lost these two. They noticed her then, standing alone, watching them carefully. Neal and Kel looked at each other and smiled. Dismounting Neal leaned in for a hug. “I’m alive, I love you, but I have to find Yuki.” He disappeared then, leaving Alanna holding his reins.

“It was a trick! He used me so he could get to his beloved faster. I’m just the old maid, here to wait on the knights,” Alanna joked.

Kel leaned forward to rest her arms on her pommel. “You’re not old, Sir Alanna.” Mischief lit up her eyes. “But he definitely used you.”

Dismounting slowly, she gathered Hoshi’s reins and took the reins to Neal’s horse from Alanna and passed them to the waiting hostler. They stood still, the chaos of Steadfast around them. Alanna had never realized how tall Kel was before. She loomed over Alanna, her face betraying nothing. 

“You scared me Kel. I- I’ve found myself rather attached to you. You’ve brought hope to the girls of Tortall - to me - and I was rather afraid I’d lost that.”

“The world will always have hope, with or without me, Lioness. I’m just here to do hope’s bidding. I heard you took quite the wound yourself.”

Alanna leaned forward towards Kel. Kel wrapped her arms around Alanna, shocked that the Lioness had initiated a hug. Alanna’s eyes welled up, and she willed herself not to cry.

“Come on old lady, let's go find Raoul and Buri.”

“You can’t tease me! I thought you were supposed to be the ‘Protector of the Small.’”

Kel actually laughed then, pulling back from Alanna. “Let’s go find a wedding.”

  
\----

  
The wound to Alanna’s leg bothered her through the whole winter. Lucky the Scanrans didn’t cause much trouble due to the snow and ice, but the cold was brutal on Alanna’s body. As soon as the snow melted on the roads, she rode for home, needing the month off that Jon had offered when he’d gotten word of her injury. She stayed with Myles and Eleni, feeling old and alone in their home, but noticing all the new lines on her adoptive father’s face. Most of her time was spent sleeping or meeting with Jonathan. Jonathan and Myles both paid the finest healers in Tortall to look at her leg, but as they’d said in Frasrlund, she’s just been healed too many times, there was little else they could do.

Alanna’s godsdaughter Aly came to Corus to stay with her grandparents and Alanna. Alanna had missed Aly and her brothers so much, grateful for the time she did get to spend with them when they were small, but wishing there had been more visits. Aly seemed lost. Alanna did what she could, which was mostly listening. She knew long ago that Aly wouldn’t follow in her footsteps to become a knight, but it seemed Aly wasn’t sure what she did want to do.

Alanna returned to Frasrlund after a month. Tortall was locked in a stalemate with Scanra over Frasrlund, each country holding one bank of the Vassa river. It was actually a bit of a gift from the Gods, giving Alanna’s leg more time to heal, but she found it all a bit boring. She’d take action any day over staring at an enemy, waiting for someone to make a move that wouldn’t really make a difference to the war.

One evening early in May Alanna was writing reports when she heard a commotion outside her tent. Grabbing her sword and shield, she scrambled to her feet just as Jonathan burst in. 

“Alanna, I’m so sorry. Is there any news yet?”

“News of what?”

Jonathan started rambling then, and it was only after much confusion that Alanna realized that Aly was missing. Her Aly - her niece, her godsdaughter. Alanna’s leg buckled and she stumbled into a chair, Jonathan catching her as she fell. 

“What happened?”

“She was sailing near Port Legann soon after she returned from your visit in Corus. She never came back. George has been looking for her, I’ve been looking for her. Myles and Gary are looking. Numair says he’ll start scrying as soon as Daine and the baby are settled. I’m so sorry - I thought you knew.”

“Of course I didn’t know! George’s probably looking out for me like he always does, not wanting me to be distracted. And Marianna always agrees with him when he gets all chivalrous.”

“He knows I need you here, that you’re still feeling the effects of that injury, that you’re tired. He didn’t want you to worry until he’d found her - we all thought we would find her before now. We can’t go looking for her, Alanna, you’re too visible. You don’t want our enemies to realize our godsdaughter is missing.”

“I know, Jon.” Alanna turned the sword hanging limply in her hand, trying to scry in the section of blade near the hilt she’d had made for exactly that purpose. Gray fog covered the surface. 

“May I be alone now, Jon? I need to write to George.”

\----

  
Alanna received orders from Jon to leave Frasrlund to the next in command and to report further east where she’d be better used. Not sure if he was babying her and her wound, she agreed. At least it would be a change of scenery, and bring her closer to Neal, Kel, and Raoul.

When she arrived at Fort Mastiff it was immediately evident that they were seeing regular action against the enemy. As they hoisted the lioness flag above the fort, Alanna took stock. Her conclusion was that she was looking at a well-oiled machine. Maybe she’d see more action, but they also wouldn’t really need her for the day-to-day operations of a fort like this. 

  
Alanna fell into the pattern of the fort quickly. She received regular reports from the other commanders nearby, and Kel or Neal would report to her in person once per month. It was on Kel and Neal’s first visit in July that Alanna found herself drawn to the training yard at the end of the day. Raoul and Buri had arrived the day before, and as Alanna stepped between soldiers she found Neal and Kel dueling. She leaned on the fence, trying to get a good view of the proceedings. Just then, Kel made a quick parry and disarmed Neal. 

So much for catching a duel, Alanna thought to herself. Oh, well. 

Neal looked past Kel and noticed Alanna. “Lioness! Care for a duel? Bet you can’t beat Sir Kel right here. And, just think, this may be the only time most of these folks get to see two lady knights duel!”

Alanna glared at Neal. She looked up at Kel to see if Kel was interested. Alanna had forgotten how impossible it was to read Kel’s face, though. 

“I don’t know, squire,” Alanna drawled. 

“Do it Alanna,” called Buri from the other side of the training yard. 

Realizing she wouldn’t escape without dueling Kel at least once, Alanna sent someone for a quilted tunic. She began stretching, taking extra care to warm up her leg. When she was finally ready she squared herself against Kel and raised her sword to the guard position. Kel stepped forward, met Alanna’s sword, and they began. 

Alanna had certainly faced bigger opponents before, but she realized almost immediately that she was a bit out of practice with duels due to the war. She might have been the best sword fighter in the kingdom, but Kel had huge advantages in her age and height. Alanna struck first, trying to throw Kel off balance. Kel calmly took a giant step backwards, the height difference giving her the advantage of space. Alanna glanced at Kel’s eyes, hoping to glean something from them, but Kel gave nothing away. She attacked again and again, her speed forcing Kel to move more and more quickly. They danced and parried, Alanna relieved to still have her old speed, even if her leg was starting to ache. 

Alanna was glad she’d always been able to tune out distractions, because her friends were heckling both women. Raoul was cheering for Alanna, but Neal was clearly rooting for Kel.

“Whose side are you on?” Alanna said, allowing Neal to finally distract her. Kel took advantage of that, her blade slicing up and over. Alanna moved towards Kel, sliding under the attack, and catching the taller woman’s side with the flat of her sword. Alanna turned back as Kel lunged in, forcing them hilt to hilt. Kel stepped up against Alanna and started bearing down with her weight. Her eyes slipped down to Alanna’s lips and she paused. Taking advantage of Kel’s distracted state, Alanna slipped down and around, smacking Kel on the back again. Kel stepped back and saluted Alanna with her sword, short of breath. Alanna allowed Kel to end the duel there, but she knew that something else had just happened. There was no way that Kel was that exhausted already, even if she had already fought Neal. Considering the pain in her leg, though, Alanna let it go. 

A commotion at the edge of the training yard caused them all to turn. Tkaa the basilisk stepped amongst them. He spotted Alanna and moved towards her. As Tkaa reached Alanna he bent over and murmured that he had news from George. Alanna forced herself to remain standing. She grabbed at Tkaa to steady herself. “Aly?” she whispered. Tkaa nodded. Alanna couldn’t handle the emotions then, and turned to head to her quarters to find privacy. As Alanna exited the training yard she heard Tkaa announce that Scanra had sent a party to Corus to begin negotiating a peace treaty. The cheers followed her to her room.

  
Alanna ate supper alone in her office that night. It was approaching midnight when she heard a soft knock on her door. “Come,” Alanna said. 

Kel let herself into the office and stood at attention in front of Alanna’s desk. “At ease, Kel. Something tells me you aren’t here at midnight on official business. Take a seat.”

Nearly folding herself in half to sit in the chair across from Alanna, Kel said, “No, it’s not official. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Alanna leaned back in her chair, observing the lamplight flickering across Kel’s face. She knew enough about Kel now to know that Kel wouldn’t press the matter, wouldn’t ask questions. 

“I received some much-awaited news from Tkaa regarding a family member. Hopefully it will lead to good things. I thank you for your concern.” Alanna hesitated. She still didn’t know Kel that well, all things considered, but she knew Kel was trustworthy. Alanna relaxed a bit and continued, “I- my godsdaughter Aly - George’s daughter - she’s been missing for months now. We’ve tried to keep it quiet because of her connections to, to me, and to the crown. It could endanger her further if it was known she was missing. Tkaa brought word that George has finally found Aly in the Copper Isles. She must’ve been caught by slavers - she’s been sold to a family there. George’s headed there now to bring her home.”

“Thank you for sharing with me, sir. I am honored by your trust.”

“Just call me Alanna, Kel. Surely we can discard the titles when it’s the two of us.”

They chatted then, sharing updates on their people and commands, gossiping about Neal and Raoul, happy to have some personal time amongst the realities of war. The watch commander called 1 o’clock in the morning and Alanna yawned. “I guess it’s time for me to head to bed. I enjoyed this visit, Kel.” 

Alanna stood then, frustrated to again feel the pain in her leg flare, causing her to stumble. She caught herself on the corner of her desk and said, “I think I’m too old for this. Maybe that’s why Jon pulled me off the command in Frasrlund. Maybe he’s just buttering me up for retirement. I don’t want that, but some days I just ache. I’m so tired. At the rate I’m going, my hair will be all grey soon and then I really will be old.”

Kel had jumped from her seat when Alanna had stumbled, stepping forward as Alanna spoke. Reaching out, she ran her hand through Alanna’s hair, cupping her chin. She tilted Alanna’s head back and looked into her eyes. “You are beautiful Alanna, grey hair or no. And you’re certainly not old.” Leaning forward, she kissed Alanna softly. 

Alanna’s eyes slid shut. As quickly as it had begun, the kiss was over. Alanna heard Kel step back and whisper, “Good night Alanna, Goddess bless.” And then she was gone.


	6. Summer through Fall 462 HE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upping the rating because of this chapter - while it's not super-graphic, it's definitely more sexually explicit than Pierce would write.

Kel was gone the next morning, riding back to New Hope with Neal at first light. Alanna… was stunned. She hadn’t slept at all the night before. What had Kel been thinking? Alanna was twice her age - more than that! Alanna had already won her shield, retrieved the Dominion Jewel, survived coronation day, and had two offers of marriage before Kel was even born. She had godschildren who were Kel’s age. Princess Kalasin was actually older! Kel was 20. When Alanna was 20 she turned down George’s offer of marriage because she was young and didn’t know what she wanted, and now Kel was kissing Alanna like she wanted to pursue this. Alanna felt like a cradle robber.

Alanna stumbled into Buri when she finally left her room in search of food, hoping that having something in her stomach would help with the headache and nausea. 

“Whoa, Alanna, what happened?” Buri grabbed Alanna’s shoulders. “You look awful.”

“I’m glad to have you as a friend, Buri,” Alanna said, wryly. “You always know how to make a girl feel beautiful.”

“Where were you headed? May I join you?”

Alanna found some food and they sat down at the end of one of the long tables in the mess hall. It had mostly cleared out, so Alanna was hopeful no one would see or overhear her.

“Alright, spill.”

“Kel kissed me last night,” murmured Alanna.

“Wait, like Raoul’s Kel? Like our Kel? Like the ‘Protector of the Small’ Kel?”

Alanna groaned. “Yes, like 20-year-old Kel who is less than half my age and innocent and young and has no clue what she wants.”

“I don’t know that Kel,” Buri said. “The Kel I know became the first female page in over a century. The Kel I know fought twice as hard as the boys, beating unfair probation and hazing. The Kel I know saw war at 16 and had her first command at 18. The Kel I know has a level head on her shoulders and has never made a rash decision in her life.”

“Yes, but not everyone knows your Kel. Even if I did want to pursue this… it, it would be insane. I would destroy her reputation. She’d probably be disowned. I suspect Raoul would challenge me to a duel. Neal, too. And - oh, gods - Wyldon. Wyldon would end me.”

“But, Alanna, what do you want?”

“I just want to fight my war! I’m tired of being shuffled all around like I’m fragile. I don’t want to have to worry about this in addition to trying to convince Jon that I’m still fit for active duty. It doesn’t matter what I want - love doesn’t matter.”

Buri raised her eyebrows. “Isn’t how you got here, though, Alanna? You’ve spent your whole life - which is only 43 years, I might add, stop acting like you’re 75 - you’ve spent your whole life avoiding love. You’ve spent your whole life proving yourself to everyone else, but never letting yourself be open, vulnerable, loved. Isn’t that why you’re not with Jon, not with George, not with me, not with every single group commander that served under me in the Riders?”

Alanna looked down, trying to hide the tears welling in her eyes. Her hands shook.

Buri reached forward to cover Alanna’s hands with her own. “Alanna, what if you took this at face value for what is being offered? What if you trusted that Kel knows her own mind, the way you knew yours at 20? Kel may keep her own counsel, but she’s wise. If you knew enough at 20 to turn George down, why can’t she know enough to know that she wants you?”

  
Buri and Raoul left the next morning. Buri swept Alanna into a hug and whispered, “Trust yourself, trust Kel. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone anything. Yet.” She mounted her horse and they were gone.

  
\----

  
In August Kel arrived to report alone. Striding in through the open door of Alanna’s office she dropped her written reports in the middle of the desk and dropped into a chair. Alanna was surprised - Kel had taken Alanna’s request for less formality to heart. Knowing she should read the written reports first, she slid open the seal on the sheaf of papers. 

Fifteen minutes later she looked up. While Kel’s initial appearance had given off a sense of ease, her face was still very difficult for Alanna to read. “Do you have anything else to add that’s not addressed in your report or Neal’s?”

“Oh, you know, just the usual. There’s still a learning curve in commanding civilians, even after doing this for over a year.”

Alanna nodded. “Understood.”

Kel leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees, looking closely at Alanna. “Alanna…”

Alanna jumped from her chair as if stung. She walked around the desk to close her office door, and started to pace behind Kel. “Kel- Keladry, last time you were here, you- you kissed me and, and-”

Standing, Kel turned to Alanna. She reached out to stop Alanna’s pacing, turning Alanna towards her. “I did, Alanna. And I was hoping I might be able to do it again.” She leaned down towards Alanna, their lips meeting for a second kiss. 

Gasping, Alanna pushed her body into Kel’s, reaching up to hold on to Kel’s shoulders. Kel deepened the kiss and ran her hand along Alanna’s side. Alanna shivered, and then stepped back from Kel.

“Kel. Kel, I am old enough to be your mother. What would people think?”

“I don’t care what people think. If I cared what people think I would not be standing here as a knight,” said Kel. She stepped in towards Alanna again, kissing her deeply.

Stepping back yet again, Alanna said, “But Kel, you’re only 20. You want to be free and have experiences and save the world. You don’t want to be tied down with commitments. I’ll just be a weight, a trap, a commitment to resent. You could be free now.”

As Kel stalked towards her again, Alanna realized she’d backed herself into the corner of her office. Kel leaned down again, and then they were kissing. Alanna couldn’t help herself. Kel’s hands were on her body, pushing Alanna back into the wall. Whimpering as Kel’s leg slid between hers, Alanna began to forget her whole list of arguments against this. 

This time it was Kel who stepped back, stopping the kiss. She smirked at Alanna. “Alanna, I know my own mind, and I know I want you. And I will spend the rest of my days reminding you of that, if that’s what I have to do.”

  
\----

  
Now when Kel came to report every month, she came on a mission to woo Alanna. In September Neal joined Kel and as he reported to Alanna, Kel sat next to him and watched Alanna, eyes dancing. As they left the office Kel slipped Alanna a flower. In October Kel was alone. Alanna tried to hold herself steady, but soon found herself kissing Kel. This time when Kel pulled away Alanna missed her presence immediately. Kel ran her hand along Alanna’s cheek, then dipped to pull out a wooden cat figurine. “I had one of my woodsmen carve this for you. I hope you like it.” 

Just before Kel was due to report in November Alanna again received new orders. She was being recalled to the capital for the winter - it was a waste to keep Alanna at Mastiff when the fighting would die down for the winter and she and Jon could strategize in Corus.

The day of Kel’s report Alanna found herself pacing the walls of the fort. She told her men that she was inspecting them, but in reality it was so she could keep an eye out for Kel. They were spotted late morning, the soldiers riding with Kel returning the fort's horn call with the signal for “friend.” Alanna’s heart started thumping. Trying to be nonchalant, she looped back towards the gate and the stairs that descended nearby. Kel rode in as Alanna walked over the gate. Turning to make a joke with one of her men, she spotted Alanna. Alanna descended the stairs as Kel dismounted. When she reached ground level Alanna met Kel’s eyes, dipped her head towards her rooms, and disappeared between the buildings. 

Alanna had just started climbing the stairs when the outside door creaked. Turning at the top, she heard Kel taking the stairs two at a time. Kel came into view, watching her feet so as to not trip. Startled by Alanna’s presence, Kel drew up short at the top step. Reaching out to steady Kel as she teetered, Alanna chuckled; they were finally at the same eye-level. Kel slid her arms around Alanna’s waist and leaned in for a kiss. Tightening her grip, Kel stepped up the last step. Alanna wrapped her legs around Kel, and found herself being carried away from the stairs. That time Kel didn’t step into Alanna’s office, she carried Alanna to her rooms. They kissed for minutes before Alanna’s hand found her way into Kel’s short hair; she pulled to get Kel to stop. Alanna wanted to see Kel’s eyes. 

“Kel, what are we doing?”

“I think that’s pretty obvious Alanna,” Kel said, running kisses down Alanna’s neck. 

Alanna’s determination waivered as Kel sat on the bed, Alanna straddling Kel’s hips. Their lips met again and Kel untucked Alanna’s shirt from her breeches. Kel’s hands met Alanna’s back and they both moaned. “I want to take this off,” Kel murmured as she pulled at Alanna’s shirt. Alanna pulled back and allowed Kel to pull the shirt over her head. Kel’s eyes widened as she took Alanna in. Alanna, embarrassed by the scars and shape of a body with two decades more wear than Kel's, tried to cover herself. 

“Oh, Alanna, you’re so beautiful. There’s nothing to hide from me. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else,” Kel said, pulling Alanna into another bruising kiss.

It took a few seconds for Alanna’s brain to process what Kel had said, but- “Wait, what do you mean, ‘do this with anyone else’? Kel, have you never been with anyone?”

Kel shook her head no. Alanna leapt to her feet as though stung. “Wha- what? Seriously Kel? You’re telling me you’re a virgin and I’m here with you, twice your age, and- and- Kel, I’m leaving for Corus for the winter tomorrow!”

“I know.”

“And you’d be okay with me taking advantage of you, ruining your prospects of marriage to a nobleman… and then leaving you?!”

“Alanna, none of that is true, that’s not what’s happening. It’s true that I’ve never been with someone before, but I have never had any intention of marrying a nobleman. My parents already know that. I am the youngest daughter. They are not lacking in heirs, grandchildren, or the pageantry of weddings. I am here, working, serving Tortall, where my income and future are my own. You are not taking advantage of me. If you remember I started this, I wanted- want this.” Kel reached for Alanna’s hand, then, pulling her back in. “But if it makes you happy, we won’t go any further today. I’ll give you time and space to figure out what it is you want. But know that I will be waiting here for you, ready when you are. And if you don’t believe me, or trust in my intentions, ask Buri, or Raoul. If you need proof of what I’ve told you about my family, you’ll find my parents at court for the season - I’m sure someone can introduce you. Maybe you can ask them for permission to court me while you’re there?”

Alanna blanched. 

Kel threw back her head and laughed. Alanna wondered if Kel ever laughed this much with anyone else - she was supposed to be unflappable, unreadable. Pulling on Alanna’s hand until she was standing between Kel’s legs, Kel rested her forehead on Alanna’s stomach. “I’m kidding,” Kel said. She kissed Alanna’s stomach and then stood. “But I will be here waiting for you. 

“Why don’t you put your shirt back on and we can go find something to eat for midday? And then I can actually turn in my reports. Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll unbutton the top of my shirt like a serving woman in Corus, lean over your desk, and you can get a view while I do it,” Kel said. Alanna’s jaw dropped open and Kel actually winked at her.

  
When Alanna returned to her rooms that evening, there was a small wooden dog figurine sitting on the small table by the bed. Tucked underneath its feet was a small piece of paper, folded in half. Opening it, Alanna read, “Goddess bless, Lioness. All my love, Kel.”


	7. Winter 462 to Spring 463 HE

While Alanna was grateful to be wintering in Corus where she could stay with Myles and Eleni or at her rooms in the palace, and not in a cold tent on the warfront, she felt lost. She thought back to a time when Gareth of Naxen the elder had been King Roald’s king’s champion. Roald had been attached to his title of “Peacemaker” and Sir Gareth hadn’t seen much work in that role. Alanna had been doing this work for over 22 years; would the wars never end? She felt like she’d been joking about retirement for almost 10 years - was it time to take that seriously?

Jon could tell something was wrong. While things had never returned to the way they were when Jon and Alanna were young, they were close again. One day after a council meeting he asked her to come back to his office. 

“Alanna you seem… off. Is there something going on?”

“I don’t know Jon. I haven’t spent much time here in the last decade, and I look around now and I don’t know these people and these politics. When I’m on the border I’m in my element, but my body cannot keep doing this forever. I just don’t know where or what my place is anymore. Perhaps you should start looking for a younger king’s champion.”

“Alanna, I have Gary for all the politics and people-managing. Are you telling me you’d rather have his job?”

Alanna shuddered and Jon laughed. 

“No, sire, I believe my quick temper and short tongue will start more wars for you than you could ever imagine. Perhaps it would be best, my lord, if you were to keep me in my current post,” Alanna said, doing a player’s bow.

“Seriously, Alanna, do you want me to find your replacement? Is that what this is about?”

“I- I- How did you know Thayet was the one for you?”

“Well, if you’ll remember, I believe my king’s champion rescued her and dropped her at my feet. Said something about Thayet not putting up with my shit. And after a murderous princess, a murderous lady, and my best friend turning me down, Thayet seemed like a catch, don’t you think? Maybe we should just find you a champion to round up a partner for you - it worked well for me.”

Alanna finally laughed, realizing how much she’d needed a friend to lighten things for her. “Yes, it would be glorious if we all had champions to do that, wouldn’t it? 

“I think, I think maybe I’ve found her, though. I’m just scared.”

Jon was honored at the confidence Alanna was showing in him to react with poise. “That’s wonderful Alanna. Why the fear this time?”

“Well, I’m still not sure about the king’s champion having a female partner. I made a commitment to you, and I have no desire to alter that commitment. But… also Jon, she’s really young. And a noblewoman. She says she’s serious, but what if she wakes up one day and realizes she’s married an old woman? A woman who has ruined her life, her reputation, a chance at a solid marriage? An old woman with scars and a commitment to this kingdom that is greater than any marriage vows? What then?”

“I cannot answer all those questions for you, but I can tell you now, with absolute surety, that Thayet and I will stand by you and whoever you love. I’ve let you down before - I won’t make that mistake again.”

  
\----

  
For the first time since her years as a squire, Alanna found herself at balls and banquets in the palace. Relieved to have both given up her ruse and caring about what other people thought of her, she dressed in fine breeches and tunics. The conservatives had already given her up as a lost cause, but everyone else still felt wonder at meeting “the lady knight,” even if she wasn’t the only one anymore. Alanna was grateful for the time she’d spent proving herself, and the graces afforded to her now as a known member of Jon’s council and reign. 

One evening in January Myles waved Alanna towards him as she finished speaking with Lady Haname. As she approached she saw Myles with two people she didn’t recognize. 

“Alanna, this is Baron Piers and Lady Ilane of Mindelan. My lord, my lady, my foster-daughter Sir Alanna of Olau.”

Alanna made a formal bow, glad that etiquette demanded such so she could school her face to blankness. When she stood Lord Piers smiled brightly. 

“It is an honor to meet you, Sir Alanna. You have given our country so much.”

“The honor is all mine,” said Alanna. “I’m grateful to make your acquaintance, though I wish it had been before this.”

“Yes, we’ve heard from Keladry and from Myles, here, how much - ahem - effort was put into keeping it that way,” Lady Ilane said. Alanna could tell, now, where Kel got her height from. Her poise must’ve also been inherited from Ilane, although Alanna was sure some of that came from their time in the Yamani Islands. 

They spoke for a while longer, the conversation light. Alanna was glad that there appeared to be no hard feelings from Lord Piers and Lady Ilane about any of Kel’s time as a page. Whoever had filled them in had done it well. Myles extended an invitation to them for dinner the following week at his house in Corus, and they accepted, hoping they’d see Alanna there as well.

As they separated Alanna took Myles’s arm. He really was the father she’d never had, endlessly patient, caring, accepting, loving. “So tell me Myles, how would you feel if I finally settled down?”

Myles laughed. “You’ll never settle down my dear. You may stop fighting or traveling, but your heart will never be settled. And you are loved for that.”

Alanna pulled him tighter. She really was so lucky.

  
\----

  
The letters from the north were slow to travel, but Alanna received one letter from Kel before midwinter and one in late January. True to her word, Kel was giving Alanna time, but she was also pressing her case. She wrote of her soldiers and of the refugees she was working with. There was a tale of Neal’s exploits. But underneath it all Alanna read the strong current of affection - no, of love. 

Alanna tried to write, but she found everything she wrote to be stilted. She talked about council meetings and matters of state. In one letter she told Kel that she had finally met the Baron and Lady of Mindelan but had yet to ask for their daughter’s hand in marriage. Alanna went back and forth once she’d written it, almost crossing it out several times. She hoped that it came through to Kel as a joke, not anything serious.

  
In between council meetings she’d go down to the training yards. She practiced her sword work consistently for the first time in years. Taking an opportunity to beat anyone who thought they could still top the Lioness, her confidence slowly built. The training master for the pages even pulled her in to work with some of the youngsters on their sword work. She remembered Gareth of Naxen doing the same for her, and how nervous they had all been to duel in front of the greatest swordsman in all of Tortall. Taking pity on the pages, she shared her lighter side, showing them how to gain strength and agility without wounding their pride. 

  
Alanna built a name for herself again that winter. Jon’s council learned to respect her opinion and influence again. Courtiers unknown to her in the fall greeted her throughout the palace. She spent more time with Lord Piers and Lady Ilane. The soldiers in the training yards all recognized her and were eager to share their practices. The happiest part for Alanna was getting to spend so much time with Myles and Eleni. In all her years of knowing Myles, she hadn’t had that much alone time with him. They discussed strategy and diplomacy. He filled her in on plans for Olau, showing her all the updates he’d made and relics he’d found his ruins. She finally worked up the courage to ask him then if he’d ever been saddened by her life choices.

“No, of course not Alanna. What’s got you so melancholy this winter?”

“I don’t know who I am anymore, where I fit. And I don’t want to disappoint you. You appointed me as your heir and yet there is no one in line after me. My time is running out for birthing an heir, and I am here, alone.”

“Alanna, I am not worried about an heir. I have no worries for Olau with you as its guardian. I trust that whatever decisions you make for our home they will be the right ones. And even if you don’t produce an heir, you could still make one of your nephews your heir. And, I might add, if our relationship has shown you anything, it’s that family can be made in different ways. You may still find your heir.”

“I think I’m in love,” Alanna confessed. “I never thought I’d feel this kind of love ever again, and yet, here it is, having snuck up on me.”

“Well, tell me more!”

“It’s- it’s Keladry of Mindelan.”

“Sir Keladry of Mindelan?”

“Yes, Piers and Ilane’s youngest. And I do mean youngest, Myles - she’s less than half my age! But she keeps pursuing me like I’m not old enough to be her mother. And being here, in Corus, so far away from her is making me realize… that I think I might love her back. Oh, I’m so embarrassed. You must think I'm an awful person!” Alanna dropped her head, tears falling from her eyes.

“I could never think that of you Alanna. You will always be my pride. And don’t forget that there have always been vast age differences in noble marriages.”

“But what will her parents think?”

“Honestly, now that I know them, I suspect they won’t bat an eye at it. Well… maybe they’ll bat one eye. But they have heirs and grandchildren and so much joy in their lives already. And they seem to have few attachments to tradition.

“I think you should go for this, Alanna. I can see that you love Keladry. And you will always regret it if you don’t give this a chance. Stop running from love.”

  
\----

  
Alanna started counting the days until the snow would melt on the northern roads - until she could ride to Kel. Tying up as many loose ends as she could, she told Jon that she wouldn’t be commanding in the fight with Scanra that summer. The peace talks had fizzled over the winter, but there were hopes that the war wouldn’t last past spring, especially with King Maggur on the run. Alanna told Jon he wouldn’t need her - that he was swimming with young knights eager for battle and command, eager to prove themselves. He grinned at her, glad she’d come to her own conclusion. 

“What will you do, then, Alanna?”

“I’m going to get the girl, your majesty.”

  
In April the roads finally opened. Alanna had one last stop to make before leaving. She’d put off this conversation all winter, knowing it could be her final hurdle. The morning before she left she knocked on the door to Buri and Raoul’s rooms in the palace. Buri answered the door, dressed comfortably for training.

“Alanna! I’m glad to see you. Raoul just went to coordinate something with Jon, but he should be back soon. Come in!”

“You look like you were headed out though, I don’t want to interrupt,” Alanna said.

“I’m pretty sure that whatever you’re here for can’t wait, and outshooting some Riders can. Please come in.”

Alanna came in and sat down, Buri taking the seat across from her. After a few moments of silence, Buri said, “Alanna, why are you here?”

“I’m in love with Kel. I tried to come here and not love her, but it didn’t work. I tried to find myself a distraction, a new place in Corus, anything.”

Buri let out a whoop. “I knew it! Does Kel know yet?”

“I’m not quite sure. I think she does, I think she knows me better than I know myself and has just been waiting me out through this winter. She can probably see through all the nonsense that fills my letters, can probably see the things I don’t say. I will probably arrive at New Hope and she’ll be standing there like she knew exactly when I’d appear.”

“Oh, Alanna, that’s love. You’re going to make each other so happy.”

“I feel like I have one more hurdle, though,” said Alanna. “I need to talk to Raoul-”

“Talk to me about what?” said Raoul, walking in the door at that moment. 

Buri and Alanna both stood. Raoul kissed Alanna’s cheek and then wrapped his arm around Buri. “Talk to me about what?” he repeated.

“Sit down, please Raoul,” Alanna said. He looked at Alanna curiously but took a seat with Buri. 

“This feels a lot like the time Squire Alan pulled me aside to tell me he was a girl…”

“I think this is worse,” said Alanna as she paced back and forth. “I- I… Raoul, please hear me out on this. I am in love with Kel. Our Kel, your Kel - Sir Keladry of Mindelan, Protector of the Small. I tried to not love her. I tried to convince her that I was too old for her and that I was taking advantage of her and that I would ruin all her prospects and her life, but instead I’ve fallen in love with her. I tried to stop, I came here to Corus to get away, to find my footing, but it didn’t work. My heart is hers. 

“Please… please say something.”

Raoul slowly rose to his feet. They stood in silence for minutes, Raoul sizing Alanna up, Alanna beginning to wonder if she should’ve brought a sword. She was sure he would challenge her to a duel now, a fight for Kel’s honor. Her heart sank. And then Buri kicked Raoul in the ankle.

“Ow, dammit woman!”

“You need to say something to your friend, Raoul. And what you need to say is that you're happy for her. And then you need to give her your blessing so she can go to New Hope and tell Kel all the things she just told you.”

“Of course I give you my blessing, Alanna,” Raoul said, looking sheepish. “I was just putting all the puzzle pieces together and now I realize that this is perfect. You are perfect for each other.” 

Raould leaned in for a hug, engulfing Alanna completely. She hugged him back, trying to hold back sobs. 

“Just so you know, though, when you get married, I’ll be standing with Kel.”

The tears fell from Alanna’s eyes then. She grinned wetly and said, “That’s okay, I’ll get Buri!”

  
\----

  
Alanna rode north the next day. It had been so long since she’d ridden alone that she forgot the joys of caring only for herself and her mount. She carried little, not wanting to be bogged down with a pack mule. Figuring that if she really needed more of anything in New Hope, she’d find a way. It’s not like she needed any of her court dress, just simple clothes, simple things. She slipped the small cat and dog figurines that Kel had given her into her pockets. 

Staying at inns the whole way north she chose to not turn off at Trebond for a visit. She stood at the crossroads and thought of all those years ago, standing there with Coram, Maude, and Thom. Her belief in herself had carried her to this point, back to these crossroads. She said a prayer for Thom and her parents. And then she turned and resumed her journey north. 

  
On her ninth day of riding Alanna finally reached New Hope. As she came within sight of the town she was surrounded by one of the town’s patrols, led by the young knight Sir Merric. As soon as he got close enough he recognized Alanna. Bowing in the saddle he said, “Sir Alanna, it is an honor. Forgive me for the friendly welcome, we weren’t expecting you.”

“I know, Sir Merric. Consider it a surprise. I hope I have not disturbed your patrol.”

“Of course not, sir. We’ll escort you to the town’s gates.” Merric leaned towards one of his soldiers, whispering something in their ear. They took off for the town at a gallop.

As they walked their horses towards the gate, Alanna asked how the spring had started. She was curious to see if they’d seen any skirmishes, unsure as to how the Scanrans would react now that their king was on the run. Merric was happy to fill her on the enemy activity, which was sparse, and to talk about the fortifications of New Hope. When they arrived at the gate he bowed once again and said, “You’ll forgive me, sir, but we must return to patrol.”

Alanna nodded, butterflies suddenly filling up her stomach. As she rode through the gate she found both Neal and Kel standing in front of her. Neal was scowling, his arms crossed. Kel stood at attention, her hands behind her back, her face expressionless. As Alanna dismounted a young woman took her horse. 

“You rode all the way here alone?!” Neal huffed. “What were you thinking?!”

Alanna laughed at him. “What, worried that the king’s champion can’t fight for herself, Sir Neal?”

“Of course not. I just- you just- it wasn’t smart.” Neal stepped forward and wrapped her in a hug. Leaning down, he whispered in her ear, “She’s been waiting for you.”

He stepped back and Alanna smacked him lightly on the shoulder. “Off with you then! Don’t you have something better to do than harass your overlord, squire?”

As Neal walked back to his office Alanna turned to Kel. Their eyes met. Kel bowed, “Sir Alanna, we are most grateful for your presence. What brings you to New Hope?”

Alanna tilted her head. Inside she was screaming, “You! You bring me to New Hope Kel!” Instead she settled for acknowledging the bow with a dip of her head and saying, “I was just nearby.”

Kel’s eyes gave her away then - if she had been anyone else she would’ve laughed at Alanna’s response, and then everyone would have known. “Would you allow me to show you to our guest quarters, Sir Alanna?” She pivoted on her heel as Alanna drew level with her. As they walked through the streets of the town, Alanna was impressed with what had come from almost nothing in just a short while. It should’ve felt like a camp or a fort, but the refugees and Kel had turned New Hope into a home.

They reached the headquarters facing the town square after just a short walk. Kel held the door open and then guided Alanna towards the stairs. The upstairs had only one door and when Kel unlocked it revealed a suite. Glancing around, Alanna noticed a glaive hanging on the wall above the mantel, the mantel itself decorated with small wooden figurines like the ones in her own pockets. There were food bowls on the floor for a dog. Alanna realized then that Kel had brought her to her own home. 

Alanna turned around to find that Kel had been standing very close. Cheekily Alanna said, “Is this where all of your guests sleep Sir Keladry?”

Kel looked down into Alanna’s eyes. “No, but there are guest quarters downstairs if you’d prefer-”

“No, this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.”


	8. Epilogue

At the request of Jonathan, General haMinch found a place for Alanna in the war that left her free of command, helping out up and down the front. Her powerful gift allowed the general to contact her as needed, and she was as useful as a healer as she was as a warrior. She remained stationed in New Hope with Kel for the remainder of the war. 

Peace was finally declared in the spring of 464. New Hope was turned over to its residents to guard and protect. Most of the knights were pulled from the border, but for the first time in a generation, there was nowhere to reassign most of them. Kel left New Hope with a heavy heart - it had become such a home to her, the people there like an extended family. 

Alanna and Kel returned to Corus, settling into Alanna’s rooms at the palace. On the evening after their return, Myles and Eleni held a small dinner to welcome them home. George, Marianna, Myles, and Eleni had just returned from serving as Tortall’s delegation at the crowning of the new queen of the Copper Isles, and Alanna was happy to know that her family would all be together. Myles had also invited Kel’s parents, now close friends with the couple.

Alanna was nervous. Yes, she’d spent much time with Lord Piers and Lady Ilane the winter she’d been home, but that was before they knew of her relationship with their daughter. Kel had written her parents and informed them of her involvement with the Lioness. What they had privately thought of the relationship Kel and Alanna might never know, but in their letters they expressed joy.

Alanna found herself alone with George before dinner, Kel having been pulled into Myles’s study to discuss something obscure about the Yamani. Marianna and Eleni sat quietly in a corner with their heads together, talking about Tomaj or Alan. Pacing back and forth, wiping her palms on her fine silk breeches, Alanna was unbearably nervous. 

“Alanna, you’re goin' to wear a hole in Myles’s carpet,” George said. “Don’t tell me you're this nervous to be meetin’ Kel’s parents?”

“We’ve met before, it’s just that last time…”

“Last time you weren’t courtin’ their daughter.”

“If that’s what we’re calling it, yes.”

George laughed. “I think it’s best we say courtin’, lass.”

Alanna smiled at George. Even after all these years, his accent still stuck, especially when he was alone with his friends and family, away from the trappings of nobility. George’s friendship was one of the strongest Alanna’d ever had. Not for the first time she wondered if Thom had lived if they would’ve ever been like this.

“Relax, lass. They loved you then, they’ll love you now. Didn’t they give their blessin’ when Kel wrote to them of your relationship?”

“They did, but George… what if they get here and remember how old I am? I’m only thirteen years younger than Lady Ilane. Or what if they realize that I’m not good enough for Kel?”

“Alanna, you’re forgettin’ that Kel chose you. If you are good enough for Kel, then you will be good enough for her parents. And those of us who are privileged enough to know you well can attest that you are good enough for Kel. You are good enough, Alanna. It is we, your friends, family, and countrymen who are honored to know you.”

“Oh, George,” said Alanna, leaning in for a hug, letting a few tears slip out.

“Now don’t you be wipin’ your face on my finest velvet tunic. You can’t get snot on me just to make yourself look better.”

They pulled apart then, turning as one of Myles’s servants led Piers and Ilane into the room. George put his hand on Alanna’s shoulder, holding her steady, showing his support. Eleni and Marianna stood, but Piers and Ilane immediately moved towards Alanna and George. 

“We are so glad you are home, Alanna,” Piers said. To Alanna’s surprise, Ilane swept Alanna into a hug. As Ilane pulled back, Alanna saw Myles and Kel return to the room, Kel’s eyes soft at the interaction between her parents and Alanna.

“Th- thank you, my lord. It is good to be home.”

“Please, Alanna, do us the honor of dropping the titles. We’re just Piers and Ilane here, with family.”

“Yes, sir, of course. Then please allow me to introduce my brother, Baron George Cooper of Pirate’s Swoop. George, Baron Piers and Lady Ilane of Mindelan.”

Kel stepped towards her parents then, happy to see them for the first time in years. After greeting them, Kel stepped back and slid her arm around Alanna’s shoulders. Alanna looked up at Kel, happy to see true joy on Kel’s face, an emotion she rarely shared outwardly.

At dinner they discussed the goings on that Kel and Alanna had missed. Eleni and Marianna were already missing Aly so much, especially sad knowing that they would miss out on the joy of having grandchildren and great-grandchildren nearby. Ilane cheered them up with tales of exploits of her children and grandchildren, making sure to share some of the most embarrassing stories she could recall of Kel. 

As they reached a lull in the conversation, Piers turned to Alanna and said, “Well, Lioness, when are you going to make an honest woman out of Kel, here?”

Alanna choked on the mouthful of wine she’d just taken, trying not to spit it all over herself or the table. 

“Papa!” 

As Alanna tried to regain her composure, Piers winked at Kel. 

“Well, sir, my lord, Kel’s not yet 22. I just thought I’d give her time to- to-”

“To find someone better than you?” Kel interrupted. Alanna had believed that she was getting better at reading Kel, but in this moment she could sense nothing from Kel at all.

“Well… Yes- no- it doesn’t matter anyway! A marriage between women has never been performed in Tortall.”

“Actually, Alanna, that’s not quite true. The people of Barzun were performing marriages between women for hundreds of years until the white people of Tortall conquered them,” Myles said.

“Alanna, you were chosen by the Great Mother Goddess,” added Eleni. “Don’t you think she looked into your heart when she chose you, and saw your capabilities, your love? Don’t you think she knew then who she was choosing? Perhaps it is the Goddess’ will that you marry Kel.”

“You- we don’t know that!” Alanna said.

“Well, perhaps you best be askin’ her then, shouldn’t you, lass?” said George.

That evening Alanna was unsettled. Kel gave Alanna as much space as she could. Alanna found herself pacing their rooms, fidgeting with things. As Kel gathered herself for bed Alanna whispered, “I love you.”

“I know Alanna, I know. Perhaps Eleni is right, though… maybe should pay a visit to the First Daughter of Tortall.”

  
After a sleepless night, Alanna left the palace early. She walked down through the city until she reached the temple district. Passing a group of the Goddess’ warriors, she turned into the Goddess’ Temple. Very few people were visiting the temple that early, so Alanna was able to find a priestess easily.

“Excuse me, I’ve come to seek counsel with the First Daughter,” Alanna said.

The priestess bowed her head, “Of course, Lioness. We are honored by your presence. Please wait here.”

The priestess returned quickly with the First Daughter. “What is it that I can offer you, Lioness?”

“I’ve come to seek your counsel in a personal matter.”

Suddenly she sneezed, the feeling of the whole temple shifting. Alanna and the First Daughter turned to the high altar as a woman appeared - the Goddess herself. Everyone in the temple dropped to their knees, bowing their foreheads to the floor in supplication. 

“Rise, my daughters,” said the Goddess, approaching Alanna and the First Daughter. “So you have found true love at last, Alanna. And yet, you hesitate. Why?”

“I- I am scared, Goddess.”

“You have learned well, my daughter. That you can acknowledge fear is a great lesson. But what is there to fear? Do you still fear love?”

“Yes. But I am also scared of the repercussions of my love of Keladry.”

“But what if the repercussions of your love of Keladry are that more love and joy is free to be expressed in this world? What if the repercussion is that all children of the gods are free to be themselves, to love who they will? What then?”

Alanna paused, overwhelmed with the privilege of being the Goddess’ chosen. She could have never imagined the changes her mere existence would bring forth to Tortall. Even if her life was only a vessel, then she would be honored to bring the Goddess’ vision to life. 

“Then I would be honored to marry Keladry of Mindelan.”

The Goddess turned to the First Daughter, “It is my will that all temples perform marriages between any consenting adults from this day forward. Love knows no bounds, no limits. Honor that.”

The First Daughter bowed deeply. “As you wish, Great Mother.”

“Remember, Alanna, I see your heart,” said the Goddess. “You are here for a reason.” And then the Goddess was gone. 

Alanna and the First Daughter turned to each other. “Does that happen to you often?” asked the First Daughter shakily.

“No, actually, it hasn’t happened in decades. Perhaps she was just waiting for me to find my way to her purpose.”

  
“Well I’m glad you found it. I’m honored to have been here for this. Do you still seek my counsel?”

“No, thank you. I believe I’ve found my answer.”

“It would be my honor to perform your marriage myself, Lioness.”

Alanna nodded her head in thanks. She stopped to leave an offering at the altar, and left. 

  
\----

  
Walking into the sunlight Alanna paused. She didn’t know what to do next. It felt like she had been in the temple for hours, but it was still only a few hours past sunrise. Now Alanna was free to marry Kel. In fact, it seemed like the Goddess now expected her to do so. But should she talk to Kel’s parents first? That didn’t seem right - Kel wasn’t something to be bought or sold. And Piers had pretty much given his blessing at dinner the night before. Should she wait? Did she need to talk to Jon first?

As her brain had jumped over all the questions and possibilities, Alanna had wandered into the market. Her stomach growled - she hadn’t eaten since dinner at Myles’s. Finding a vendor selling spinach and cheese hand pies she bought several. Finishing them, she shook herself - why was she down in the market when she could be with Kel?!

  
Alanna burst into their rooms, slightly short of breath. Kel stood from her desk by the window, looking concerned. 

“Alanna wha-”

“Marry me.”

  
“What?”

“Would you, Keladry of Mindelan, Lady Knight, consent to be my wife?”

Kel crossed the room in a few giant steps. Her hand slipped into Alanna’s hair, pulling her in for a kiss. 

“Are you sure that’s what you want Alanna?” Kel said as they broke apart.

“Yes, I’m sure. I just was scared and wanted to look out for you and I got too caught up in my own head. I’ve wanted to marry you since the moment I came to you in New Hope.”

“Then, yes, of course. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  
\----

  
After receiving the blessing of the Goddess, Alanna felt there was only one thing left to do: introduce Kel to the Bloody Hawk tribe. They were able to spend the summer with the tribe, Alanna pleased when Kel, too, was adopted by the tribe. As autumn grew closer Kel and Alanna spent time planning the wedding. Alanna asked Jon, George, and Buri to stand with her at the altar, Buri only accepting when Alanna promised she wouldn’t have to wear a dress. As Raoul had predicted the year before, Kel asked him to stand with her, along with both Neal and Yuki of Queenscove. Thayet and Jon honored Alanna and Kel’s wishes for a private ceremony, but insisted on throwing a banquet to honor them afterwards. Knowing they wouldn’t win against the king and queen, they begrudgingly agreed. 

The ceremony was held in the smallest chapel of the palace, officiated by the First Daughter. Ignoring all tradition, they both wore black breeches and high-collared tunics of deep blue linen, made by Kel’s Lalasa. Slipping a simple gold band onto her beloved’s finger, Alanna could hardly believe it was real. As they turned to face their family and friends, the First Daughter said, “I present to you Alanna and Keladry of Olau. May the Goddess bless them, always.”


End file.
